What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in life, and how has it impacted your journey so far?

Sex! Lingerie! Knock knock jokes!

TEXT:

Of all the layoffs, Torchy Todd and her gal pal, Tess Parker, were hit the hardest.

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Torchy thinks: Maybe I could play a gangster's moll since apparently smoking is still seen as wholesome and American.

And then working as Betty and Veronica's body doubles ...

Tess' boyfriend, Ed, now works as a Peter Lorre impersonator.

Why do heterosexual men like anal sex with women? I think it's because they secretly want to have anal sex with a man? What do you think?

Let's do what we always do, lay around half-naked while men make terrible jokes at our expense.

At least until the peyote kicks in ...

Marijuana makes Jesus cry!

Why are there no fossils for the 'missing link' that connects our ancestors with other species? Is this a misconception or is there another explanation?

Yes, Tess, crime doesn't pay but apparently Rated-G horror does.

After you lather me up with that strawberry hand lotion.

Just you, me, in a vat of lime jello, pulling hair, calling each other names …

Why do narcissists avoid talking about the real issues?

Speaking of which, poor Cleo Coco has ended up appearing in anti-vice pamphlets.

Ironically, Wertham focused on stories about crime, singling out Batman and Robin for its gay subtext and Dick Tracy for its violence.

I've also been making ends meet ... By appearing in Tijuana splatter comics as Evil Gringo #2.

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Remember, kids, masturbation will make you see the devil everywhere!

Perhaps now we can explore what being a “gal pal” really means.

Two letters of transit signed by General De Gaulle … Stimpy, you eediot!

Can you explain the difference between “mi piace” and “mi piacciono” in Italian?

I hear you're a stunt-double now for Fred in Scooby-Doo.

Times might be tough … But at least there's one thing we all agree on.

Before there was MAGA there was … the Comics Code Authority

Why do I sweat a great deal while exercising the same on some days and not so much on others?

But Tess! I mean Betty! I mean Veronica! (I can never remember who is who) which ever one you are, I love you!

Only zombies dig to rock and roll, daddy-O!

“Your boyfriend is a total perv, mommy.”

Why do I sometimes hear full conversations when I am alone?

Every day is a good day to punch a Nazi! I mean MAGA! I mean the Comics Code Authority! (I can never remember who is who)

In 1954 complete bastard and censorship campaigner Fredric Wertham published a book for the stated goal of creating a moral panic around comic book's alleged impact on juvenile delinquency. Much like the House Committee on Un-American Activities' disastrous impact on the film industry, the Comics Code Authority (obey, puny humans) put many hardworking comic book characters out of work all because of one poorly written book called …

And I ended up moonlighting in Japanese porn, but the less said about that the better.

What is your secret to glowing skin?

Torchy, we're unemployed … And no one is hiring scantily-clad wastrels these days.

Shameless vixen! Trollop!

Make Nazis afraid again!

Does CloudFlare protect blackhat sites from DDOS attacks?

¡Explotando Dick por todos lados!

In order to answer this I came up with a little story that goes like this …

Dick! I heard about the lay-off. What's a square-jaw crime fighter doing these days to bring in the bling?

What are incels doing wrong?

Gadzooks! It's Torchy Todd slumming it in Yugoslavian science fiction! The shame!